so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
