I want to stick my p in your. b.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
