she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
She's like a pop up book from hell.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Pooping to opera.
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