We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
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