We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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