Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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