I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Dignity is for republicans.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
