She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
