the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Randomize
