so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Randomize
