My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
