I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
He shit in the fireplace
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
