do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Randomize
