and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
