I cockslap morals
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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