why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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