Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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