I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
