my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
