my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Randomize
