Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
