That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
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