I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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