He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
