I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
