I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
