great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
