did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
