I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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