I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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