what day is it and did you see me today?
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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