i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
