you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
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