Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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