they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
