I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
