Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And then my night got REAL pukey
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
