I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
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