The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
