What a fucking waste of an outfit
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
