you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
