sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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