Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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