dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
