It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
