So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
