After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
