I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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