shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
