He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
We're too hungover to prance.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
