apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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