new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
