Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Moan for me like Helen Keller
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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