Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
